Thursday, January 16th, 2014: "Freezing My Butt Off" *or* "The Biggest Idiot Ever."

Okay, so I promise I actually have updated since October. I *tried* to post about my most recent Tough Mudder run, but I accidentally was logged into my Blogger account for my short story blog, Cut and Dry. So my most recent running post is there, as I am too tired at the moment to move it onto this blog. 

Not only that, why would I move an older post when I am now creating a fresh, NEW post!  

This concludes the "Biggest Idiot Ever" portion of the post. 

As for the "Freezing My Butt Off" portion: anyone living pretty much anywhere east of Texas and north of the Florida panhandle know what I'm talking about. America has been downright cold as of late, and I have only gotten the opportunity to run outside twice in the last month.  

And not only that, I'm starting to see the result of all the time I took off of running in the fall while I was perpetually ill. Like, around my waist line.  

So I've tackled my old nemesis, the treadmill, twice this week. In case you're unaware on my stance on treadmills, I described in an earlier post how much I'd rather be pounding some concrete that moving on a motorized belt. But, as I'm finding out, sometimes an outdoor run is just out of the question. I've not logged more than 4 miles at a time on the treadmill yet (I get bored easily, and my willpower runs out fast when I'm able to stop whenever I want without the penalty of having to run home), but I find myself getting a little better. At least I think I am, which is something. 

On a more exciting note, I recently got an email about the Kentucky Half Classic, two half marathons in Kentucky's two most beautiful cities, 21 days apart. I was actually already registered for the Run the Bluegrass Half Marathon and the Kentucky Derby Festival Mini-Marathon, so this came as a nice surprise! 

Tons of cool amenities will be given to people who finish both races! 

- A special finisher medal (in addition to the two medals for both races) 

- Half Classic food and drink booths and photo ops 

- Stickers for your race bib 

- And... most importantly... VIP TOILETS!! (This was a huge selling point for me, as I found the Kentucky Derby Festival Half in Louisville to be very short on port-o-potties). 

They're both phenomenal races, worth entering on their own merit. But the added incentive is simply too cool to pass up. 

On a serious note: I am seriously going to get back into this blog. I'm not sure how many fledgling runners out there I am actually helping, but keeping track of my running trials and errors is what keeps me on the road. When my blogging slacks off, my running slacks off, and vice versa. Even if I feel like dirt and have a crappy run, writing about it makes me want to get back out there and have a better run to make up for it. 

Not to mention that I have been blessed far beyond what I deserve, and sitting around being sedentary is no way to show my appreciation. I have a wonderful relationship with Hillary and the girls, and I've gotten to see a lot of them while work crews have been tearing out both the bathrooms in my house (it;s a long, messy story). 

Yes, the January is cold and dark, and usually my winter depression sits in about now. But I have these two bad boys to help me through. 

Sun lamp and space heater. With their powers combined... I am... a functioning human being! Oh, and the electric guitar behind them helps, too. 

Anyway, I hope this entry find you in good spirits, injury-free, ready to face the next mile. 

ToughER Mudder, *or* A Pirate's Life For Me! PLUS how YOU can do something great!

Two weekends ago, me and my friend Doug Staggs once again ran the Tough Mudder in Maysville, Kentucky. For anyone unaware of the event, the Tough Mudder is a 10-12 mile trail run and obstacle course; called "The toughest event on the planet" by some.

This year, the weather was FAR better than last year. Sunshine, at least 10 degrees warmer, and no rain! That, coupled with starting toward the head of the pack so we didn't get bottlenecked at the events, helped Doug and I finished two and half HOURS faster this year!

Needless to say, we were pretty happy with the success.

Just look at the exuberance on my face. 

The following Monday evening, I came down with what my principal, Joe Matthews (a four-time Mudder himself) calls "The Curse of the Mudder". Flu-like symptoms kept me home from school the next day. No pain, no gain!

Halloween is coming up, and although this blog is normally full of my athletic exploits, I'd be remiss not to mention my favorite holiday of the year. Last weekend, me and Hillary went to visit my brother Aaron and his wife Rebecca in Louisville. Of course, there was a Halloween party, and of course we wore costumes.

I actually wanted to be a pirate when I was a kid. Ask my parents. The couch made a suitable pirate ship. 

This afternoon I was over her house, carving pumpkins with her little girls Faith and Zoe, and was once again blown away by what God has done in my life in the last year and a half. His ability to create rivers in the dry wasteland continues to amaze me. It simply proves that, no matter how terrible things seem to have become, God always has a plan to bring peace and prosperity that stretches beyond temporary circumstances. 

The aforementioned jack-o-lanterns. They turned out better than I expected! 

Every now and then, I have the chance to let my faith and my hobbies overlap. Many of you may remember that, over the summer, I raised money to help buy school supplies for needy kids in my area with a project called Miles for Missions. I'm happy to announce that, for the month of November, I'm reviving the Miles for Missions project for another very worthy cause. 

In June 2014, I am going to Guatemala for ten days with a mission team from Trinity Hill United Methodist Church. While in the country, we will be working on cleaning and construction projects, as well as relational ministry with the impoverished children of Chichicastenango, Guatemala. 

Here's how Miles for Missions works: during the month of November, I'm going to be running my butt off. I would like YOU to sponsor me for the number of miles I run! Any amount will help!  $0.25 per mile, $0.10 per mile, or even $0.05 per mile will make a real difference. Any one-time donations are also very much needed and appreciated. 

One-hundred percent of the money I raise with Miles for Missions will go toward the cost of sending me to Guatamala. If you feel that God has laid it upon your heart to give, please email me at grahampatricksmith@gmail.com. 

I would very much appreciate any PRAYERS you're willing to offer, too. The trip is very much outside my comfort zone, but I know that God is going to do amazing things in my life and in the lives of the people I'm going to encounter while I'm there!

Until next time: May the road rise to meet you! 

Monday, 10-15-13: Cracked Ribs

These are the stats from my latest long run. Yesterday I managed to clock 11 miles at a pretty conservative pace, which isn't bad for going more than a week since my last long run. 

For some reason, that run left me ACHING more than past long runs. Maybe it was because I did it in the evening. Maybe it's because the weather is getting cooler. Or maybe I'm just getting a little out of shape. Either way, I decided to take it easy today. 

This coming Sunday, October 20th, I'm running the Tough Mudder again, again with my friend Doug. He's the only guy I know crazy enough to want to do such a thing with me not once, but twice.  Last October, one of the event photographers managed to snap this amazing picture of me after I emerged from a dumpster full of ice water. 

Clearly, I was thrilled to be there. 

Today also marks a pretty important milestone. Four months ago to the day, HIllary and I went on what we called our first official "date" to see Here Come the Mummies in concert at Buster's here in Lexington (wow, that's a lot of links in one sentence). That's four months of happiness after a year and a half of battles, heartache, anger, frustration, and plain ole' weariness. 

Looking at where I am now, I can see God's plans through it all. And so can she. 

The Tough Mudder is famous for its notorious final obstacle: electroshock therapy, where contestants dash through hanging live electrical wires. But last year there was one more obstacle that I sometimes forget, when remembering the insanity of that day. It was a crawl up a muddy hill that had been embedded with tractor tires. And it was on this final obstacle that I found a large crowd.  

One guy, in the middle of the group, had cracked some ribs somewhere on the dangerous, rough-and-tumble, 13-mile course. His face was set in a painful grimace with every movement, but still he pressed onward. All around him people offered to help, to carry him over the tires. Sometimes he accepted their help, but sometimes he'd refuse: the wrong movements could jostle his cracked ribs, putting him in even more pain. 

My separation and subsequent divorce were like a bellyfull of cracked ribs. I carried them around with me for a long time, their dull ache making every movement like knives. Just when I thought the pain had finally ebbed away, I'd make one wrong move, and suddenly feel the pain as fresh as ever.  

Even though I don't feel the sting of those old injuries anymore, I still remember how much they hurt. But I guess that's a good thing. If I don't remember the pain, remember why it was there and learn what I can do to prevent it in the future, then the whole experience would have been a waste. But I've grown through it all; as a man, as a partner in a relationship, and in my faith in God.

I can now clearly see God's plan that got me through those times. If I had been able to see God's end result through the pain, it would have made the pain a little more bearable... but I would not have learned as much, and I wouldn't be the man that God has forged me into because of it. 

So as I prep for this upcoming Tough Mudder, I remember the place I am in now, and where I was a year ago. Whether I'm in as good shape as I was last year is yet to be seen... but I am certainly more whole now than I was then. With the emotional cracked ribs finally healed, I simply need to avoid cracking any literal ribs. 

And I'm taking a waterproof disposable fun camera with me, to chronaloge the whole thing. 

First Post in a While. Much Has Happened...

I think this is what happened last fall, when I stepped away from this blog for nearly a year. I let the busyness of life take over, pushing pursuits such as this, these things I'd actually LIKE to do, to the wayside. Before I slip back into that pattern for another year, I'm jumping back into Runner Confidential.

The weather is getting cooler, which means that running season is getting into full swing.  I don't have to punish myself with 5AM morning runs before work anymore. Afternoons are cooler, the sun is setting earlier. Not to mention that Lexington is finally listening to my ravings by adding...

... sidewalks to Tates Creek Road!  

I've been running Tates Creek Road for a while now in an attempt to extend my milage.  Put simply, Lexington has never been a city extremely friendly to its runners. Sidewalks in residential neighborhood simply end, or switch to the opposite side of the road (often over very busy, multi-lane roads). This has forced me to run in the narrow strip of concrete between the painted white line and the curb, which is sometimes too narrow to keep my feet inside. But now I have the luxury of a sidewalk, that runs nearly the distance from my house to the Chevy Chase area!   

Since my last post, I've logged quite a few miles, including my first long runs since summer. Trying to keep my milage up is a struggle, though. There are only so many hours in a day, and I'm working literally twice as hard in my teaching job this year as I was last year. Not to mention that I'm still trying to learn to play guitar, still the assistant youth pastor, and spending more time with Hillary than ever. 

But I don't mind giving of my time to her and the girls. I wish I had more to give, in fact. My relationship with her has really shown that God will make all things work together for our good; even (no, especially) the hurtful, out-of-control events of our lives.

2013 has been a much better year than 2012 was. Regular readers of this blog will remember the long break I took while I started divorce proceedings, and the lengthy explanation I gave as to my absence. Finally, after trying to go it on my own more than a year ago, and waiting for an attorney to do his magic for almost six months, my divorce was finalized on September 30th, 2013; eight years TO THE DAY that my now ex-wife and I started dating.  

My brother, Aaron, told me that it was an appropriate bookend to that old portion of my life. I have to agree that there's a finality to it now, one I've wanted for a long time now. I wasn't sad; I'd spent months and months being sad, and that wasn't a road I was going down again. I had been divorced on all ground except legal for a long time. 

While we were both waiting on the confirmation of our divorces, Hillary and I joked that we'd frame the paperwork and hang them side-by-side on a wall together someday. And although I'm glad it's over, I find myself not wanting to celebrate the divorce. Divorce is nothing anyone should have to go through, although statistics show that half of all Americans will have to. So I'm just going to put the paperwork into a folder, file it away somewhere for safe keeping, and move on with my new life. 

Also... did you know that pawn shops won't buy a tungsten ring?  Turns out that they only buy jewelry for the meltdown value, and tungsten has a melting point of over 3400 degrees F.  So I guess it's a perfect metaphor for a functional marriage!  But now it appears I'm stuck with an indestructible wedding band, size 8, that cannot be unmade by anything less than the fires of Mount Doom. 

So, it's on Craigslist, if anyone is looking. :)   

Until next post, which will not take me so long to create: may the road rise to meet you, and may the wind always be at your back. It makes running that much easier. 

8/22/13: Fighting the Voices

The temperature and humidity were both in the upper eighties tonight, so my run was sort of short and slow. 

Distance: 3.22 miles 

Time: 31:51 

Pace: 9:54 min/mile 

The memorable part of this run, however, didn't come from the run itself, but from something that happened during the run. 

I frequent a lot of suburban neighborhoods on my runs. South Lexington has an abundance of them, with well-kept sidewalks and friendly people and modest little homes. Normally, it's the ideal place for a runner. But while running through one of these neighborhoods today, a car drove past me slow enough for a kid, maybe ten or twelve years old, to lean out the window and yell at me. 

"Get a haircut!" He cried. 

What the heck was this about? I had no idea who this kid (or the adult driving the car) was. I hadn't run through this neighborhood in more than a year. And I was on the sidewalk, minding my own business. Not to mention that I think I wear my ponytail rather well, and I don't think it's a look a lot of guys could pull off.  

I had less than a second to think of a witty retort. And I couldn't help but smile as I yelled, "No chance!" In reply. 

The car pulled into the nearest cul-de-sac, turned back the other direction, and drove away. Meaning they had gone out of their way simply to pass and harass the running guy with the ponytail. 

Which brings me to the purpose of this entry. 

I'm no stranger to voices telling me who or what I should be. When I weighed 230 pounds my sophomore year in high school, the heaviest I have ever been in my life, I got made fun of. I didn't get a lot of dates. And my self-worth hinged mostly on my perceptions of my own body. 

So, over the course of several years, I started walking. Walking turned into jogging. Jogging turned into running. Running turned into a habit of buying short-shorts and expensive socks and vibrant, scientifically-designed shoes. 

But one doesn't simply stop being a 'fat kid'. There are still times when I find myself looking in a mirror, wondering when I'm actually going to 'get in shape', why I don't log more miles, how I could justify eating as much as I do, et cetera. It's an inner voice, spurred by long-ago memories of exterior voices. It's lost most of its volume over the years, but I'd be foolish to say that it's ever going to be gone for good. 

When my wife left me more than a year ago, there was no "working on it," no "we've tried everything, the marriage is unsavable," no "road to recovery". Just me, left in a pile of shattered dreams, leaving the mail of the woman who used to love me on her car once a month because she still hasn't changed her mailing address on all of her stuff. 

Different voices emerged from the darkness. They were rooted in the old self-esteem issues of my past, but they burned with the fuel of rejection, hotter and stronger than I had ever known at any previous point in my life.

Last summer, during a session, my counselor asked if I "enjoyed my own company", when I turned off the internet and pulled myself out of my tasks and simply was with myself; if I liked myself enough to simply exist with myself.

I didn't understand what she meant. I didn't really think other people enjoyed my company; why should I? 

Months of living, growing, drinking, crying, praying, and yes, running, led me to where I am now. The pieces of my life fit together more than they have in a year, thanks be to God alone. Though sometimes it feels to little too late, I now know that His voice, and the voices of the friends and family who really care about me, were the ones I should have been listening to all along. 

I don't talk a lot about those cold, broken days. Hillary asked me the other day if I would ever consider blogging about the last two years of my life. She said that it's a really inspirational story, that a lot of people could benefit from hearing my story. Honestly, I don't like thinking about those days. So instead I run, and I write about running, and I teach, and I lead youth group. 

But then I remember that there are plenty of other people out there being led by the same voices of inadequacy, self-loathing, and depression that led me for so long. There are people telling themselves they're not good enough, they're hopeless, they're at a dead-end from which there is no escape. 

A word of advice from a guy who escaped: You CAN do it. 

So drive on, black car. Keep taunting, kid in the passenger seat. My shoes are still going to lace up the same tomorrow. The first cup of coffee tomorrow morning is still going to be the most delicious thing I have ever imbibed. And, every time I get out there and log miles, I'm only getting better. 

And I, under no circumstances, am getting a haircut. 

Post-run hair. Gotta love it. 

Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired

I've managed to get in three runs in the last week, counting tonight. I'm not even going to bother with the other two; just trust me when I say they were nothing to write home about. This most recent run wasn't much, either, but I feel like I should record SOMETHING.

Start time: ~7:30 PM
Weather: cloudy, 78 degrees F, muggy.
Time: 55:53
Distance: 5.36 miles
Pace: 10:25 min/mile


A little personal information about me:
 - I am 30 years old
 - I am a public high school teacher
 - this is my 7th year teaching in public education

I've heard it said that kids are simply vessels that diseases use to travel to adults who would otherwise remain healthy. Working in schools has exposed me to every illness creeping across the planet, and my immune system has gotten stronger over the last seven years because of it.


So why is it that one little cold has floored me for 10 days?


Hacking. Coughing. Sinus congestion. Body aches. It feels like the symptoms have been changing on a daily basis, and every time I'm no closer to feeling more like myself. I even had to start the new school year coughing into my elbow every five minutes. I've finished three prescriptions and only now feel like I'm past the worst.

So today, when I thought I could manage a strong run, I went for it. Yes, I coughed every now and again, (in fact, I just coughed while typing this), but it was worth it to get out and move my legs.


And I decided to try some hill sprints today.

Lexington is a city that boasts some impressive hills (just ask anyone who's ever finished the Run the Bluegrass Half Marathon at Keeneland), so it's a great place to work on strengthening tendons and ligaments, increasing running power, and all the other benefits of hill training.

Sisyphus, eternally pushing his boulder uphill. What my run today felt like after a few miles. 

In an effort to train for all my upcoming races, I hit a hill I've dubbed "Long, Tall, and Handsome". It begins with a short dip, inclines sharply, then does a slow, gradual incline for roughly half a mile. Maintaining a consistent pace on this hill is HARD, which I guess is why I sent myself there today after nearly a week off of running. Maybe I thought it was what I needed to whip myself back into the game after 'taking it easy' for too long. 

Hopefully, by my next post, I'll be 100%. It's been 15 days since my last long run, and I'm itching to get out there. Until then, feel free to leave me a message with any routes you like to take, products you swear by, or any other running-related rant. 

A Fun and Muddy Weekend, with a Head Cold Chaser

Last Saturday, me, my girlfriend Hillary (I've mentioned her in previous entries), and our friends Shannon, Caleb, and Tyler ran the Warrior Dash in Versailles, KY. It was my third Warrior Dash, and Tyler's second, but it was the first experience for the rest of our crew (which we dubbed 'Team Lowered Expectations').

Our "before" picture 

Our "after" picture. Not sure what happened with the black bars on this one. 

For those of you who've never done a Warrior Dash (or similar mud run), I highly recommend it. I consider myself a fairly intense runner, with my daily runs focused on how they'll improve my performance on race day. The Warrior Dash is nothing like that, and that's what makes it so much FUN. No one does a Warrior Dash to set a personal record. It, and similar races, are just for the sheer joy of running and to tackle things you never thought you could. 

The worst part about this Warrior Dash was the lack of water. Not to drink; there was plenty of that. But when the race was over, and we were covered in mud and looking for somewhere to clean ourselves, there was no water to be found. The water trucks had run dry by the time we were finished (around 2:30), and another truck didn't arrive for nearly an hour later, when we had resolved ourselves to driving home filthy. 

I mean, really. It's a mud run. Thousands of people are going to need to clean up. You didn't bring enough WATER? 

After a good shower and a two-hour nap, Hillary and I met in downtown Lexington that evening for the 29th annual A Midsummer Night's Run 5k. It's almost more of a festival than a race, because the vendors and spectators turn out in droves.  The city was beautiful and night, and thought we didn't break any speed records, it was a blast to get two 5Ks under our belts in the same day!  

Rewind to Saturday morning. I woke up with a scratchy throat, but didn't think anything of it (that happens often when I leave the air conditioner on).  

By Sunday, my throat hurt worse and I was having body aches. 

Monday, my tonsils felt like rocks in the back of my throat. 

Tuesday, my throat felt worse, and I had developed a hacking cough and sinus pain. 

Today, my sinuses are killing me, I'm still coughing, but at least my throat feels better. 

What the heck, body!? I to do two 5ks in the same day, and suddenly you turn on me? I try my best to keep you in shape!  My teaching experience was supposed to prep my immune system against head colds (or whatever I managed to pick up). 

So, I've not been able to run for a few days. But the weather today is beautiful, so I might take some time to myself when I get home from work and try to go "mind over matter" on this cold. 

I'll return from the run with pictures!  Until then, check out this great article from Runner's World about 10 bad running habits and how to break them.